Dear World...

A lot has happened, hasn't it?

Four years ago my papa passed away and 3 weeks ago my nana finally joined him.
Death never gets any easier. No matter how many times you say goodbye, the ache in your soul and the hole in your heart grows ever more painful and large.

This is my nana, Emma and my papa, Tony on their wedding day.

They were together for over 60 years.

I was thinking of dedicating my book to Nana, Papa and my mom which by the way I am still in the process of writing. It's taking a lot longer to write than I originally anticipated. I never thought writing a book could be so difficult but it is. For some reason I have a difficult time getting what's in my head out and onto paper. I can see everything, the way it starts, where it goes and how it ends yet I still run into mental blocks every now and then.

I miss them. I miss papa and how he'd sneak me plantains that nana would make for him to eat while we watched TV. I miss the smell of his cologne and the mass amount of hats he'd collected over his lifetime. I miss helping him pick avocados and oranges from the trees he planted himself. I miss guys night where he'd have his friends over and they'd play dominos. I miss my nana and how she'd dote on everyone, papa more than anyone. I miss watching As The World Turns with her while we ate lunch. I miss how every time she'd watch the PBA (bowling) she'd yell at them and how crappy they were playing. It always made me laugh. I miss her perfume and watching her get ready for her day. I miss her cooking. I miss that no matter how many times I corrected her she'd always call me Eleonor, which is my momma's name.

I miss how they'd argue in spanish, I always found it so amusing. No matter what they argued about at the end of they day they loved each other more than life itself. I miss them.

XoXo

-Crys-

Dear World...

I've been looking for a job for the past couple of months with no luck.
Aside from that I've been having dreams of writing a book so what did do? I've started writing a book :)
It's about zombies lol I've also started writing another idea about Nephilim. I'm really excited for this chapter in my life. I'm hoping I can get this whole thing written within a month and published with the right company.
Wish me luck!
XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World...

I was thinking of doing a whole week of art. One new piece for everyday. I just can't figure out what exactly I should do for each day. Definitely something Harry Potter related :-)

After that bit of genius I've drawn a blank as to what else I could do lol Oh well, I'll think of something.

It feels good, getting back into the habit of writing in my blog again. I missed it. I'm thinking this year would be a great time as any to post all of my art work I've created all the way up to this point. What do you think?
Yep, its a great idea. Now to take pictures and scans of everything lol

Have a beautiful day.

XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World...

Have you ever wondered why you look at the stars?
Is there some kind of alluring pull about them that you can't quite describe or are you simply curious as to how they got up there in the sky? Did God really make them? Was there a boom? Is someone out there on a distant planet looking at the same stars as you wondering the exact same thing?

This is what it felt like to be his girlfriend. He was a star, blazing hot in the deep dark sky as I stood on Earth and watched him from afar. He wasn't untouchable, wasn't some mega star you'll read about in the papers like Orion's belt. He was just a lone star who presented himself as much more. When in fact he was just an ordinary star and yet that didn't stop him from stealing my heart and taking my breath away.

I found out tonight.. or rather last night (since it's 2 in the morning here..) that he has a girlfriend. She's just not me. According to facebook that is.

And just like that his shine fizzles out to reveal his true form. A black hole. It looks fascinating, mysterious with a hint of adventure. Yet so completely false.

In the past, I would blame myself. Question myself as to why or where it went wrong.
What did I do wrong? Was something wrong with me? Was I not pretty enough? Thin enough?
Funny enough? Good enough? Why is it I'm so easy to give up? To overlook?

But tonight I realized something, I'm not the problem. If someone can't see what an amazing and talented person I am then that's on them. I refuse to be someones second choice and secret affair.

I deserve better than that. I am better than that.
I deserve to be someone's first and only choice.

Thank you for listening.

XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World...

I am truly sorry for neglecting my blog. A lot has changed over the course of a year.

A former friend is.. no longer with us. Its not my story to tell but I think of him often and wish he were here.

I got into a car accident. My dad was driving, me in the passenger. While we were turning left with the green light a car sped through the red and t-boned our vehicle. I'm now in physical therapy (pt for short) for injuries to my neck and back. Dad seems to be okay but we worry.

I fell in love with a soldier in the Army. His name is Kris. He's currently deployed and I miss him immensely.

I'm close to graduating. I've got maybe 4 classes left. I can't wait. I love my college and the amazing professors I've had over the past 5 years but I'm so ready to be done.

I've entered my work into 2 different shows now, one is the Student Juried show at school which I got into. The other is Florida Print and I'm still waiting to hear back from them :-)

Wish me luck.

I wish you all the best,
XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World I Desperately Need Your Guidance...

He-Yo.

So, today I managed to hurt the one person who's always been there for me.
Who's stood up for me against all odds.
Who's loved me since birth.

I hurt my mom, by snapping or yelling at her constantly, and for hurting her, I'm truly sorry.
I have no right to disrespect her the way I did today.

I have no right to disrespect her in anyway at all.
She's not only my elder but my mother as well, which makes the disrespect all the more wrong.

I'm sorry for making her cry,
I'm sorry for making her suffer,
I'm sorry for hurting my dad and in turn hurting her,
I'm sorry for yelling and snapping at her like I own the place,
I'm sorry for every single thing I've ever done wrong against her,
But mostly, I'm sorry for making her hate me.

Mothers are truly a gift from God.
But maybe that's my problem. I don't have God.
I lost faith a long time ago.

I lost faith when mom and papa got diagnosed.
I lost faith when God decided it was okay to make them ill and threaten to take them from me.
I lost faith when no sign came to tell me he wasn't doing this to punish me.

I lost faith. And maybe that's what I need to get back in order to be better.
I need God in my life and to restore my faith.

Maybe God, is putting me through all this, putting them through all this, to test our strength.

Maybe that was the sign.
My mom has been sick 10 years. And yet she is still here.
She is still strong because she knows God loves her.

Yet, I cannot see or feel that love.
But that's because love from God, is the faith you have for him in your heart.

So, I'm sorry mom.
I never meant to hurt you.
I think I lost my way without God's guidance.
I've ignored Him for so long, I know no better.

Forgive me.

XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World The Pizza Is Cold...

He-Yo

How is everyone's week going?
Cause mine could not be going any better!

My classes are locked in, FAFSA is approved.
Work-Study is still going strong and for now I am still President of GSA.
And after I get my refund from Financial Aid back my older sister, April and I
will be ordering our tickets and going to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure
and I honestly cannot wait. Its going to be so much fun. I can fell it. :)

Right now I'm at work, but I love it. <3

I know some people don't like work-study cause you can only work
20 hours a week but ya know what, if your approved for it and you get hired, its money coming in every other week. I know some also need more money than what it pays but c'mon. Its better to have some kind of cash in the bank than none at all. Live it up people!

Thinking of going to Pulse this Wednesday for college night.
Hang with friends for a couple of hours. No drinking of course. :)

Anyways, I should get off now, my brother AJ should be here to pick me up
in about 10 minutes and really I just want to go home, eat a slice of
Dominos pizza and hang out in my room :)

Be good everyone!

XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World The Donuts Have Been Made...

He-Yo

So, tonight I have a date.

Which is actually my first date, ever.
His name is Joseph but he goes by Joe
but I can't call him that just yet, too weird.
Guess I'll call him Artie, which is his nickname.

We're meeting up at
the college so I'm pretty excited.
We're going to watch my friend
perform in this Opera themed performance.

After that we're going to Denny's
to get some coffee and maybe some food.

Anyways, just thought I'd keep you updated.

Oh and my brother AJ moved back home.
Which is nice,

Anyways,
I'm going to finish laundry now.

XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World Your Ugly Side Is Showing...

He-Yo.

So yesterday I was talking to a close friend.
(Note: Everyone will remain anonymous in this post.)
Now, this friend, who we will call "A"
has known me for 2 years, 3 at the most.
We've confined in each other, not always because we needed to talk.
But also because we both know neither of us will tell anyone.

Now, A, told me yesterday in a undisclosed location
that another friend (mutual to us both), who we will call "B" said that
an ex friend of both A and I(who we will call F) had said our advisor for our club
was mad at me. Yes, this did catch me off guard. As she would have
no reason to be mad at me in the first place.
A also told me that B and F had been talking about me behind my back.
Saying such things like: "She won't be President of GSA any longer, she's not good enough, she doesn't work hard enough."

Well, it seems to me that B needs to be permanently removed as my friend.
Seeing as how friends do not talk about one another behind the others backs.
Especially with someone who made the others life turn upside down.

A divulged further when she told me how she had a sneaking suspicion F would run against me in the upcoming election for GSA President. Which I already knew. But I'm still going to win.
A also said that B had said I don't work hard enough for everything I have. B said I'm lazy and sit on my ass all day on the computer at work, which isn't true.
B also said that him and F work harder than me because they have 5 classes this summer while I only have 2.

NEWS FLASH YOU LITTLE B*TCH:
I had 4 classes in the spring, worked AND ran GSA as PRESIDENT.
What have you done? Nothing.
Yes I admit, I complain. But I have every right to complain.
I work my ass off for everything I have, for the people I love, for the friends by my side. Unlike your petty ass I don't quit.

So B, you got a job. Cleaning. Didn't get paid what you wanted to so you quit.
OMFG, do you know how many people are out there struggling, trying to find jobs that pay ANYTHING just so they have a steady check coming in twice a month?!
Your so damned lazy!
You complain all the time!
You don't pay bills, you don't drive, you don't buy your own groceries, you don't support other people. Everyone does everything for you.
GET A DAMN LIFE AND LEAVE ME ALONE!

And as for F, she can leave me alone too.

XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World of Grilled Cheese Lovers...

He-Yo.

So.
Today I nearly cried.

Why, you might ask?

Well.

I came into work and was ushered
into the Student Services offices from 10:30am
til 1pm trying to get help.

They sent me an email yesterday
telling me my classes were going to be deleted
and that I owed the college money for a non-compliant course.

It took them until 1pm
to finally go through my account and see that they
had never deactivated my AA Fine Arts while I was
seeking my AS Graphic Design :)

Which makes me a Double Major <3

Therefore, I owe them nothing.
But they sure as fudge owe me something.

I won't know how much I'm getting back until
next week which is fine. I cannot wait :)

Going home now.

XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World I'm Afraid of The Dark...

He-Yo.

20 minutes ago, I headed off to bed, went to the front door like I usually do to make sure it's locked and that nobody is outside.


Though this time, someone was. I thought it was dad heading back to his truck (b/c all I saw was the silhouette of someones back) well I saw their cell phone was lit up, yet dads cell phone is tiny and the screen is the size of a quarter, this screen looked like the size of an iPhone.

So I called dad to check where he was at (meanwhile I hid around the corner out of sight from the window) as the man moved from view and dad thankfully picked up.

Me: Dad where are you?
Dad: Near I-4 why?
Me:.....Because somebody just walked across our yard.
Dad: From the corner to cut across?
Me: No.. like they were at our windows and doors.
Dad: When did you see them?
Me: 2 seconds ago. I saw them, thought it was you like maybe you got locked out, and decided to call you and check..
Dad: Alright well you got the dogs there, they won't let nobody in, just go to your room, turn out the light and scan the yard I'll be home soon
Me: Alright, but dad that really scared me
Dad: I know just keep the dogs near you.
Me: Alright, bye.

Now. If you saw some strange figure, walking away from your house, how the hell would you feel?
I don't know about you, but I'm still shaking.

Dads on the phone again and wants me to go outside and check out the perimeter of the house. Screw. That.

I need a giant teddy bear, a shot of Jack Daniels, and the nearest kick of a gun in order to have enough calmed nerves to even attempt doing that.

I hate the freaking dark!
I'm scared of the dark.
I'm scared of spiders and damn-it I'm scared of freaky-deaky lurking larky figures stalking the perimeter of my house!

It doesn't make me feel safe. Not one bit!

XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World Have You Seen The Sky...

He-Yo

How is everyone's morning?

Mine sucks.
But only because I'm up so early :)

I am making money for being up this early
so I guess it has it's plus side.

Today I'm going to be
helping Sheryl with Orientation packets
which is always fun.

It keeps me busy and makes me feel like
I'm earning my paycheck especially when the days are so slow.
(Like today when none of us Work-Studys are even scheduled to work)
None of us even work on Fridays. Hm.

Well, good thing I am.
I'll get my 20 hours this week and feel like I've earned it :)

Anyways,
Back to work.

XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World The Sun Is Shining...

He-Yo

How is everyone's week going?
Cause mine is going great!

Today I'm going to be making more
cookie jars than I will know what to do with.
And tomorrow I shall take over the world!
Not really but cha.
Tomorrow me and mom are supposed to be going to see
Despicable Me (hence the yellow font for the Minions)


Aren't they adorable?
Anyways, she is supposed to be preparing herself to go.
And when we go, I will buy her Jujubes Candy


And a giant bucket of popcorn with the drink of her choice!


And then we will come home and I'll stick her feet in epsom salt cause I know she'll be hurting but damn it she'll be happy about it!

Anyways,
I hope you all have a wonderful day!

XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World the Monsters Have Invaded...

He-Yo.
So,

I have these monsters I've been making in
ceramics class for 3 semesters now.

They will be on sale in a couple of months.
But if you request them now,
I will be sure to give you a great price :)Their made out of solid clay
They make great gifts too <3
Reserve now.
They will go fast!

XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World The Cookie Jar Broke...

He-Yo
I know it's been a while.
But at least I am still here.

Work is actually fun here at the college.
So are my two classes.
Okay only one class is fun, the other is boring.
(It's Algebra)

I know I could have graduated a while back,
but not everything is that easy.
Math--in whatever form it decided to show its
ugly face in--has never been my friend.
We've had some mild flirting but nothing really serious.
Blame it on the liquor. (J/k)

Anyways, if anything ever went according to plan..
we'd be pretty boring.

So.
I am writing a new story.
Yes, I will be posting the other.
No, I'm not posting the new one.
At least, not yet.

So, nobody warned me how crappy the parking is here.
I mean seriously, after all the money the college spent
repainting the stupid lines and redesigning a whole new parking lot..
you would think they would cater to the students. Give us
the closer parking spots.

I'm currently parked all the way out
at building 1. While I work in building 5.
Seriously, Valencia, fix this.
I know its a great work out..
but damn.

Anyways,
I must get back to work.
And then algebra class. -_-
Maybe I'll be able to post later.

XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World Of Veterans Past...

He-Yo.
Today I honor the heroes.
The past, present and future.

In WWI The total number of deaths includes:

9.7 million military personnel and about 6.8 million civilians.

In WWII The total number of deaths:Over 60 million people were killed.

In the Iraq War: As of May 28, 2010 there were 4,404 dead
and 31,827 wounded in action (WIA).

My Papa, fought in World War II.
More specifically, he fought in Pearl Harbor.

His ship was the USS Bataan.

He's was awarded several medals.
One of them being the Purple Heart.
My Papa, didn't like discussing the war.
He was a very secluded person when it came to that.
I guess the war was far too much for him to recount to others.

However, when I was a kid, I remember one day
me and Papa were standing near the pool at his old house whenI got up the courage to ask him about the war.
He only told me that he had been shot several times
and in turn awarded the Purple Heart.

He got rid of all things war.
His medals.
His uniform.
His papers.
I guess it hurt too much.

Today is about remembering him.
Remembering his sacrifice.
His life.

Remembering him.
For who he was.
A veteran.
A hero.
My hero.

I miss you, Papa.
And I think about you everyday.


And for all the other veterans who served.
I thank you.

XoXo
Crys

Dear World I Don't Know If You've Heard..

He-Yo.

I hope dear world..

that you are still listening.

Life has been good.

I've traveled through space and time and ended up

in San Francisco.

It was amazing I promise.

The photos are timeless and the memories are sweet.

I'm sorry I've been MIA.

But sometimes life is just too much fun to

possibly think of words to describe it.

I got a job as a work-study in the Answer Center.

The people are nice, yet total dorks. :)

So I started a diet.

I hope it works.

I gotta be able to have that beach bod everyone is always talking about.

Flaunt it if you've got it. Right?

Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki both got married.

Congrats!

Too bad Jensen didn't marry me.

I'm writing a new story :)

It's going to be ginormous and epicly awesome.

I promise.

Fat Louie didn't get to come with me to San Fran, I kinda lost him.

But it's okay cause I found him a couple days after I got back!

Dunno where he's been but he feels better now that he's back.

is it me or does Eminem make you wanna bust a move?

Cha. Bust. A. Move.

So GSA is now trying to get a chance this coming year to go to New York.

And one of my GSA members said their going to run against me

when I try to run for re-election.

Honestly, I love being President.

I'm good at it. I'm REALLY good at it.

Pray for me.

Liz asked if i would house sit and dog sit her place while her and

Marilyn go out of town for two weeks.

TWO WEEKS.

I'm excited, and I would love to do it.

First: Approval from the parental units. AKA Mommy and Dad.

Second: License.

Third: Insurance.

No problem.

I'm getting my license tomorrow.

I can pay dad $120 for two months of insurance.

Apparently I only cost $60 bucks a month extra for insurance.

Awesome right?

And today I get paid.

I love getting paid.

I love working here.

I don't think Eudenice (a girl I work with

Whos also a work-study) likes me.

I think she kinda hates me.

And if she does like me

then she has an odd way of showing it.

Katie and Amal like me. :)

They talk to me without attitude or stink eyes or

snap-happy remarks.

Anyways, off that topic onto a new one.

I'm not really hungry right now. Which is weird.

I guess its the pills kicking in.

I'll eat in about an hour. Maybe I'll be hungry then.

I'll post pictures of everything I've got next time.

Anyways, think I'll just go back to writing my story.

Talk to you later next time world.

XoXo

-Crys-

Dear World Your Marshmellows Are Burning...

He-Yo!

So yesterday while eating din-din I bit my tongue.
And not the, "Ouch I just bit my tongue."
More like the, "Holy crap I bit my tongue and its bleeding
and I think some skins missing."

Which is what happened.

So tonight we had Ni Hao for dinner.
(Thats Chinese food)

So heres some photos I've been promising.
I hope you enjoy.

The mug I made for dad.
And yes, it does say, " Brew For Balding Men."
Mug I made for mom.
And cha, it totally says, "Ellie Queen Bitch"
Tea set I made for mom. Japanese inspired.
It says "Peace"
The quartet of monsters.
I made them up in my head.
The baby monster.
I made this one for a professor who took ceramics with me.
Her name is Cathy, she teaches math, and shes awesome.

Isn't it adorable?
Looks like its singing don't it?
"La lala La LAAAAAA"

DRAGON.
I absolutely love the wings on its back.Its Jensen Ackles from Supernatural.
<3

XoXo

-Crys-

Dear World of Christmas Koozies and New Years Fabrics...

He-Yo

Whats up guys? How was your Christmas break?
Mine was awesome. So.. finals...
I failed one class.
It was either fail Essentials or pass Math
I chose Pre-Algebra.
I passed Design with an A.
Ceramics with a B.
Pre-Algebra with a C.
And of course failed Essentials with an F.
So that means I'm on my term 1 probation.
(Which means I have to raise my GPA, it went below 2.0 its like 1.97 right now lol)
So I have to fix it during spring semester which is fine. Ill do my best.

Besides that Christmas rocked. (aside from a few arguments)
I made mom and dad their very own mugs.
Made mom a Tea Set. Its an aqua kind of blue (New Blue)
with wax resist to spell out 'peace' in Japanese.
She loved it.
I also got her a book called Evidence of Angels.
She didn't stop reading it til she was done.

I got dad a book on Bobby Bowden on how he built
a football dynasty. He has yet to read it but says all it
needs is Bobby's autograph.

Dad got mom a bunch of felting tools, wool and molds
to start herself on some new project.

Mom got dad Bubba J from Jeff Dunham :)
He wouldn't stop squeezing the poor doll just to hear it talk.

Mom and dad got me a Supernatural necklace. Its got the
guys photo on it. (Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles)
The 67 Chevy Impala they drive and a pentagram for protection.
They also got me season 1 & 2 of Supernatural.
And a desk Easel for me to use for my art work.

Awesome right? Cha. I know it is.

So did I tell you the good news?
I ran for Vice President of GSA
I was nominated President
And won.

So I am now the President of GSA
(Gay-Straight Alliance)

Oh and Sammie is totally gonna move in with me.
Send her graphics work to Hollywood. Get all
Rich n Famous and have Jared Padalecki in her bed by tea time.
Freaking, genius plan, right?
Course it is, I thought it up.

So.. did I miss anything?
Leave anything out?
Hmm.

Oh I was accepted for the Work-Study program at Valencia.
Which means I work, get good grades and get paid for it =P I know I rule.


As for my new years resolution:
Lose 50-100 pounds.


So I hope every enjoyed their Christmas festivities.
Happy New Years everyone :)

XoXo

-Crys-

"If the people we love are stolen from us,
The way to have them live on, is to remember them.
Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever."

-- The Crow

Dear World Let Me Fill You In...

He-Yo.
So let me fill you in on whats been going on.

(Yes I should be in bed.)

Alright, so, I belong to this club called GSA.
Gay-Straight Alliance
I love it. Its where I met all my incredible friends.
Yes there are straight people in our club.
Their all really awesome.

Newho.
Two weeks ago we organized an event for Trans-gender Remembrance Day.
It turned out really great 25 people showed up all together. Granted some couldn't stay for the entire event but that's okay. We had food and drinks and even watched two movies based on real life stories. One was called:
Girl Like Me: The Gwen Araujo Story
and the other was:
Boys Don't Cry

In the end we had a candle light vigil. Which was very beautiful by the way.

Right now I'm doing okay in Pre-Algebra and Essentials. I need to pass both with a C or higher. Pray for me.

Ceramics and Design class however couldn't be going more great. I love them.
These classes are all so great it makes me all happy inside just talking about them.

Thanksgiving was fulfilling as always. Loved it. It was my first official mom says cause I cooked for it. Mom and dad helped of course. Perfect little elves that they are =D

So in two weeks I'll be taking a bunch of finals and I couldn't be anymore nervous than I am right now just thinking about it.

Newho I should really get to bed. Gotta be up at 8am. Class at 10am.
Sweet Dreams. Happy Holidays!


XoXo
-Crys-

Ps. Sorry for being gone so long.

Catch up:
1) I turned 20 years old (Yikes!)
2) I didn't go to HHNs
3) I cooked Thanksgiving dinner
4) I made some awesome stuff in ceramics. (Pix will be up next post)
5) I have other yummy things to show you. (And no they did not come from Bubbs earwax eewwwwww)