Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Dear World Its Been A Rough Year...

So.. Its been a long while now. I'm really sorry I haven't kept up with my journal but things happened and keeping journal was the furthest thing from my mind.
After my birthday last year I took my amazing dog Thor to the vet. He was having urinary problems and we couldn't figure out what was going on. Vet game him some steroids to fix the problem because be broke.. yes.. broke.. his.. junk. Any ways, months later he got better. By 6 months he was back to the urinary problem. We saw a different vet who went the whole nine yards testing Thor to see what was up. He had a extremely enlarged bladder. We immediately went to a specialist. Thor had gotten bad by that time. He didn't want to eat, he moved slow, he didn't respond to things he used to cherish. Then came time for the tests. We left Thor there in the trusting hands of the specialized vets. Hours later when dad woke me up from a nap, he looked tired and worn out. Aged almost. So did mom. They told me the vet called. Then they told me I had two options. To either put Thor down or bring him home and make him comfortable. I wouldn't be able to watch Thor suffer and slowly slip away. And I wouldn't allow him to suffer. So without even needing to think about it I told them I wanted to put him to sleep. We drove to the vet specialist, I told them my decision and signed forms confirming my choice. His fate was sealed. When they brought him in I barely recognized him. So sick, weak and uninterested. So unlike the Thor I knew 6 months earlier. So unlike the dog that had protected me for the last 5 years. My hero. My guardian angel. My best friend. I cried. I held him and I cried. He was so soft. Fragile and tired. I wondered if he knew what was going to happen. If he accepted it. If he welcomed it. Did he hate me for making this decision for him? Did he want this to happen? Would he feel it? Would he be happy where he was heading? Would he be okay? So many things running through my head and yet the only thing to pass my lips and into his ears was about how much I loved him. How sorry I was. I couldn't watch. Dad knew this. He cried too. I took the car keys, went outside, crawled into the car and cried my heart out. It seemed like hours for dad to come out as well. It was only about 10 minutes. He didn't say anything to me. Later, dad told me when the vet injected the anesthesia Thor closed his eyes and just... fell asleep. Dad saw this and stopped her when she went to give him the lethal injection. Thor had died as soon as the pain was gone. But by law she had to give him all the doses and did just that. Thor passed away on Tuesday. Just four days before Prom. I was determined to get a refund for my ticket and give it away to someone else. My friends demanded I go. Said I needed to get out. To be happy. To celebrate. But how can you be happy, when your heart was just ripped out in a matter of a few hours? My world was turned upside down and destroyed within one day. I won't be the same. I agreed to go to Prom. I had been planning to go with my friend Hope. She canceled on me, went her own way and said I should find my own way. Susan yanked me off the ground and dragged me to Prom. And I had a blast. Even though Thor was gone, I managed to be happy for him.
Even though the house is empty without him and I no longer hear his excited howl at my arrival, I can still see his face. Memories flood my mind every time I think of him. Thor tackling Anthony. Thor marking Anthony as property. (You know what I mean people! And If you don't laugh at this, then you need some serious help!!) Thor coloring my bed blue with my hair dye. Thor making my life-size bear Clyde into his new bed on the floor. Waking up to see Thor snoring in bed next to me. Yes. He snored. Thor eating creamer and getting his whiskers all clumped up. Thor wrestling Athena. Thor laying in the sun.
Thor. Thor. Thor. I love you.
Ginger died shortly after him. Old, tired, weak and a life lived good and long. She was 14 years old. She would have been 15 this August.

Thor passed away on April 7th, 2008. He was only 5 years old.

This is a picture of the THREE MUSKETEERS. Only Athena remains.
Ginger followed after late May of 2008. She was 14 1/2.

Graduation was really.. packed.
It was held on May 27th at the Amway Arena. We left early. Heres some photos.
Oh.. PS. I graduated with A's. Booya.

Headed for the arena.

Mom and dads view from their seats. Look at how many chairs there are for us seniors to sit on. And let me tell you, That's not even HALF of the graduating class. We only stayed until I got my pictures taken for the walk and then we booked it out of there.

Mom snapped some pics while we waited for dad to come around with the car.

I chose to celebrate at Denny's. Yum yum eat it up. Mom snapped more pics.
Dad bought me flowers for the occasion.

This is dad. Yep. That's my dad in all his get up gear.

This is me and my mom at Denny's. Isn't she pretty? Dad took the pic. I'm surprised he didn't drop the camera. He's not a technology kind of person.
This is my favorite photo. Love you mommy.


Hair done, nails did, dress on.

My corsage. Mom and dad got it for me since I didn't have a date.

On the wrist like WHOA!

The invitation.

The inside invitation.

Me and Susan. She looks so beautiful.

Susan, her boyfriend/date Dustin and me.

The ceiling.

The placement.

Me and KreaCilla.

Dessert. You wouldn't have liked the other two courses. Bleh.

Me and the girls.

Senior year was pretty harsh but I worked hard and along the way, I lost some very important people to me.

This is Courtney. I mentioned her in previous entries. She passed away from bone marrow cancer. She never told anyone at school. In fact, none of us found out until she was gone. There's a tree planted in her memory at TCHS. She was only 18 years old. RIP. <3

This is Jimmy. James "Jimmy" Pierce. He was struck by a car on his way home. It was dark and the driver never saw Jimmy walking on the side of the road. This is my favorite picture of him. I took it on my last day on the bus. He was only 16 years old. RIP. <3

This summer was good. Chilled out and got ready for college.
Oh by the way. I'm going to the local community college now.

Now I'd just taking one day at a time and trying my best not to fall apart without Thor by my side. Mom says his job was done but, I know it was far from over. I still need protection, still need him.

Until next time.

Take care,

PS. My birthday is on September 19th. I'll be turning 19 so in case I don't get on that day to post new pics and say a few things...

Happy 19th Birthday Joshua!
Love you baby boy!