Dear World I Desperately Need Your Guidance...

He-Yo.

So, today I managed to hurt the one person who's always been there for me.
Who's stood up for me against all odds.
Who's loved me since birth.

I hurt my mom, by snapping or yelling at her constantly, and for hurting her, I'm truly sorry.
I have no right to disrespect her the way I did today.

I have no right to disrespect her in anyway at all.
She's not only my elder but my mother as well, which makes the disrespect all the more wrong.

I'm sorry for making her cry,
I'm sorry for making her suffer,
I'm sorry for hurting my dad and in turn hurting her,
I'm sorry for yelling and snapping at her like I own the place,
I'm sorry for every single thing I've ever done wrong against her,
But mostly, I'm sorry for making her hate me.

Mothers are truly a gift from God.
But maybe that's my problem. I don't have God.
I lost faith a long time ago.

I lost faith when mom and papa got diagnosed.
I lost faith when God decided it was okay to make them ill and threaten to take them from me.
I lost faith when no sign came to tell me he wasn't doing this to punish me.

I lost faith. And maybe that's what I need to get back in order to be better.
I need God in my life and to restore my faith.

Maybe God, is putting me through all this, putting them through all this, to test our strength.

Maybe that was the sign.
My mom has been sick 10 years. And yet she is still here.
She is still strong because she knows God loves her.

Yet, I cannot see or feel that love.
But that's because love from God, is the faith you have for him in your heart.

So, I'm sorry mom.
I never meant to hurt you.
I think I lost my way without God's guidance.
I've ignored Him for so long, I know no better.

Forgive me.

XoXo
-Crys-