Dear World...

A lot has happened, hasn't it?

Four years ago my papa passed away and 3 weeks ago my nana finally joined him.
Death never gets any easier. No matter how many times you say goodbye, the ache in your soul and the hole in your heart grows ever more painful and large.

This is my nana, Emma and my papa, Tony on their wedding day.

They were together for over 60 years.

I was thinking of dedicating my book to Nana, Papa and my mom which by the way I am still in the process of writing. It's taking a lot longer to write than I originally anticipated. I never thought writing a book could be so difficult but it is. For some reason I have a difficult time getting what's in my head out and onto paper. I can see everything, the way it starts, where it goes and how it ends yet I still run into mental blocks every now and then.

I miss them. I miss papa and how he'd sneak me plantains that nana would make for him to eat while we watched TV. I miss the smell of his cologne and the mass amount of hats he'd collected over his lifetime. I miss helping him pick avocados and oranges from the trees he planted himself. I miss guys night where he'd have his friends over and they'd play dominos. I miss my nana and how she'd dote on everyone, papa more than anyone. I miss watching As The World Turns with her while we ate lunch. I miss how every time she'd watch the PBA (bowling) she'd yell at them and how crappy they were playing. It always made me laugh. I miss her perfume and watching her get ready for her day. I miss her cooking. I miss that no matter how many times I corrected her she'd always call me Eleonor, which is my momma's name.

I miss how they'd argue in spanish, I always found it so amusing. No matter what they argued about at the end of they day they loved each other more than life itself. I miss them.

XoXo

-Crys-

Dear World...

I've been looking for a job for the past couple of months with no luck.
Aside from that I've been having dreams of writing a book so what did do? I've started writing a book :)
It's about zombies lol I've also started writing another idea about Nephilim. I'm really excited for this chapter in my life. I'm hoping I can get this whole thing written within a month and published with the right company.
Wish me luck!
XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World...

I was thinking of doing a whole week of art. One new piece for everyday. I just can't figure out what exactly I should do for each day. Definitely something Harry Potter related :-)

After that bit of genius I've drawn a blank as to what else I could do lol Oh well, I'll think of something.

It feels good, getting back into the habit of writing in my blog again. I missed it. I'm thinking this year would be a great time as any to post all of my art work I've created all the way up to this point. What do you think?
Yep, its a great idea. Now to take pictures and scans of everything lol

Have a beautiful day.

XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World...

Have you ever wondered why you look at the stars?
Is there some kind of alluring pull about them that you can't quite describe or are you simply curious as to how they got up there in the sky? Did God really make them? Was there a boom? Is someone out there on a distant planet looking at the same stars as you wondering the exact same thing?

This is what it felt like to be his girlfriend. He was a star, blazing hot in the deep dark sky as I stood on Earth and watched him from afar. He wasn't untouchable, wasn't some mega star you'll read about in the papers like Orion's belt. He was just a lone star who presented himself as much more. When in fact he was just an ordinary star and yet that didn't stop him from stealing my heart and taking my breath away.

I found out tonight.. or rather last night (since it's 2 in the morning here..) that he has a girlfriend. She's just not me. According to facebook that is.

And just like that his shine fizzles out to reveal his true form. A black hole. It looks fascinating, mysterious with a hint of adventure. Yet so completely false.

In the past, I would blame myself. Question myself as to why or where it went wrong.
What did I do wrong? Was something wrong with me? Was I not pretty enough? Thin enough?
Funny enough? Good enough? Why is it I'm so easy to give up? To overlook?

But tonight I realized something, I'm not the problem. If someone can't see what an amazing and talented person I am then that's on them. I refuse to be someones second choice and secret affair.

I deserve better than that. I am better than that.
I deserve to be someone's first and only choice.

Thank you for listening.

XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World...

I am truly sorry for neglecting my blog. A lot has changed over the course of a year.

A former friend is.. no longer with us. Its not my story to tell but I think of him often and wish he were here.

I got into a car accident. My dad was driving, me in the passenger. While we were turning left with the green light a car sped through the red and t-boned our vehicle. I'm now in physical therapy (pt for short) for injuries to my neck and back. Dad seems to be okay but we worry.

I fell in love with a soldier in the Army. His name is Kris. He's currently deployed and I miss him immensely.

I'm close to graduating. I've got maybe 4 classes left. I can't wait. I love my college and the amazing professors I've had over the past 5 years but I'm so ready to be done.

I've entered my work into 2 different shows now, one is the Student Juried show at school which I got into. The other is Florida Print and I'm still waiting to hear back from them :-)

Wish me luck.

I wish you all the best,
XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World I Desperately Need Your Guidance...

He-Yo.

So, today I managed to hurt the one person who's always been there for me.
Who's stood up for me against all odds.
Who's loved me since birth.

I hurt my mom, by snapping or yelling at her constantly, and for hurting her, I'm truly sorry.
I have no right to disrespect her the way I did today.

I have no right to disrespect her in anyway at all.
She's not only my elder but my mother as well, which makes the disrespect all the more wrong.

I'm sorry for making her cry,
I'm sorry for making her suffer,
I'm sorry for hurting my dad and in turn hurting her,
I'm sorry for yelling and snapping at her like I own the place,
I'm sorry for every single thing I've ever done wrong against her,
But mostly, I'm sorry for making her hate me.

Mothers are truly a gift from God.
But maybe that's my problem. I don't have God.
I lost faith a long time ago.

I lost faith when mom and papa got diagnosed.
I lost faith when God decided it was okay to make them ill and threaten to take them from me.
I lost faith when no sign came to tell me he wasn't doing this to punish me.

I lost faith. And maybe that's what I need to get back in order to be better.
I need God in my life and to restore my faith.

Maybe God, is putting me through all this, putting them through all this, to test our strength.

Maybe that was the sign.
My mom has been sick 10 years. And yet she is still here.
She is still strong because she knows God loves her.

Yet, I cannot see or feel that love.
But that's because love from God, is the faith you have for him in your heart.

So, I'm sorry mom.
I never meant to hurt you.
I think I lost my way without God's guidance.
I've ignored Him for so long, I know no better.

Forgive me.

XoXo
-Crys-

Dear World The Pizza Is Cold...

He-Yo

How is everyone's week going?
Cause mine could not be going any better!

My classes are locked in, FAFSA is approved.
Work-Study is still going strong and for now I am still President of GSA.
And after I get my refund from Financial Aid back my older sister, April and I
will be ordering our tickets and going to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure
and I honestly cannot wait. Its going to be so much fun. I can fell it. :)

Right now I'm at work, but I love it. <3

I know some people don't like work-study cause you can only work
20 hours a week but ya know what, if your approved for it and you get hired, its money coming in every other week. I know some also need more money than what it pays but c'mon. Its better to have some kind of cash in the bank than none at all. Live it up people!

Thinking of going to Pulse this Wednesday for college night.
Hang with friends for a couple of hours. No drinking of course. :)

Anyways, I should get off now, my brother AJ should be here to pick me up
in about 10 minutes and really I just want to go home, eat a slice of
Dominos pizza and hang out in my room :)

Be good everyone!

XoXo
-Crys-